Slowness

Is it a virtue or a torture?I have grown up believing that to be fast is best. I was told to be quick in everything and absentmindedly developing the constant need to be told to rush. And that’s how I treat myself when I’m alone too. Despite the fact that I can now not rush, there’s part of my mind would quietly rushed me and make a chaos in my head, just to keep it fast. I still remember how that part of me kept me wanting to see those adoring gestures from others out of amazement to how fast I can be; it can all be equate to one moment on my sport day where I ran on the racing track and won the race as a champion. Those proud moments in my life was one of the landmark in my memory that I can vividly picture out evertyime. It originated from a physical speed and it wired through my entire being. And I clung to that definition of success; to be fast. I was told that being the best is all about being the fastest in the crowd. I turned out to be a competitive person that I am today. So competitive that when I didn’t please you immediately, it hurts me. I lost my believe in trusting my own process long ago that if the results were not there, I couldn’t see anything good can be existing of me anymore. I lost hope millions of time in myself and never seem to learn how to speed off the pain. I didn’t quite understand why I cannot control this part of me by being fast. And even if I can, the pain would find me again and I will be spending my time chasing it away. It’s like I was meant to be this way. Forever a chaser in every way. Hence, I believe slowness can be a torture.

I also growing up having to slow down when I’m scared. I’m scared of many things that even in naming them scare me. So the idea of slowing down scares me. It still does somehow. It’s like something that I know I need but never cared to try- for it will only make me cry. Then, I don’t remember when, I had someone (perhaps more than one) in my life that had assured me to just let myself cry out from time to time. It took years out from my life to believe in my own cry. To tame that scary part of me simply by crying. And in crying I cannot speed it up, I have to go slow. That’s when I slowly in a long while, starting to understand why slowing down is okay. Obliviously, carrying myself from there, I progressed to a point in my life where I can say to myself that it’s okay to slow down not only to things that scare me most but to things that doesn’t scare me too. It’s okay to not go fast, to not be the best from the rest. For the rest is not me. Thus, from where I came from, I took a long time (which mean I am slow) in making myself ready to embrace who I am. Therefore now, I believe slowness can also be a virtue.

I am only saying this to myself. I’m in the process of telling her to go slow until she’s ready to go fast again.

Jalan Cinta Ini

Musim Al Fatihahku

Bila 17 kali sehari sekurang-kurangnya kita membacanya,

Ada saat terasa menunas iman,
Ada saat terasa bercambah & berbunga,

Namun…

Ada juga saat lalai menerpa,
menerbangkan keindahan iman,
Ada saat terbenam kembali iman dan perlu dipupuk kembali.

Jangan biarkan kami terus layu dalam memusimi Al Fatihah-Mu ya Rabbi.

Pimpinlah kami, meniti jalan cinta ini. Ya Wadud ♥️

A Forever Du’a

بِسۡمِ ٱللهِ ٱلرَّحۡمَـٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ اَللَّهُمَّ صَلِّ وَسَلِّمْ عَلَى سَيِّدِنَا مُحَمَّدٍ
Ya Allah, I am weak and only You can give me strength.
I ask that You give me the strength to do good and be good.
Give me the strength I need to please my parents and in doing so, please You.
I am weak and I feel broken. Please give me the strength to be a better me,
the strength I need to work to become the best me I can be.
I beg for Your Mercy for all the times I was weak and went against what You decreed. Please grant me Mercy for mistreating anyone, especially my parents.
Forgive me for the things I have done wrong, knowingly or unknowingly.
I beg You to please give me the strength I need to increase my iman (faith) and
the strength I need to continue along the Straight Path.
Ya Allah, I am weak and I know I can fall away at any moment,
so I beg You to please keep me under Your Guidance.
Never let me stray.
Keep my heart firm in Your Remembrance and Praise.
Ya Allah, I am guilty of losing myself in the past, please give me the strength to find myself following the footsteps of Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him)
and his companions and wives.

 

Let me be amongst those You love.
Forgive me and guide me and keep me under Your bounty.

And I beg you to please let Your blessings shower me, and all of the Muslims.

Allahu Ya Mujeeb, Allahumma Ameen.
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A personal prayer meant for all of us

A Letter to Those Who Hurt Me

Allahu Rabbi 😥

The Secret Hijabi

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So far my survive and forget way of living hasn’t really bought much happiness to me. I forgive and forgive yet so much anger and animosity is left in my heart. Although I can consciously say I have forgiven those who hurt me sometimes unconsciously I come to situations where my heart still holds a grudge. I don’t like that, and I certainly don’t want that. I can’t openly confront those who hurt me nor can I tell them how I really feel so I shall leave this letter here. Hopefully it will help bring peace to my heart.


Assalamu’alaikum,

I never meant for anyone to be hurt and I never did anything to anyone’s family. In fact in the end it was my family that had to face a lot of issues. All that I have done has only made the man I married a better person and a…

View original post 1,235 more words

Being a Mother

The Secret Hijabi

Growing up I dream of being many things, but after my 16th Birthday I was so sure of what I wanted to be. I didn’t want to be a doctor, lawyer, or engineer. I wanted to be a Mother. I didn’t mind the hard work that came with it, but it was what I wanted to be.

Being a mom, now, I feel it’s the only thing that gives me purpose. I work full time, and I am also a full time mother, but of the two, the job  I love is the latter. No salary or designation brings me more joy than being a mom.

Yes, there are days where you want to walk in to the closet and scream. There are times where you feel overwhelmed and under appreciated. And there will always be days where you wish you had more hours on the clock. But I would…

View original post 51 more words

Al Ma’idah

…Dan tolong-menolonglah kamu dalam (melakukan) kebaikan dan ketakwaan, dan jangan tolong-menolong dalam berbuat dosa dan permusuhan. Bertakwalah kepada Allah, sesungguhnya, Allah sangat berat seksaan-Nya.

(Ayat 2)

…Pada hari ini telah Aku sempurnakan agamamu untukmu, dan telah aku sempurnakan nikmat-Ku bagimu, dan telah Aku redhakan Islam sebagai agamamu.

(Ayat 3)

…Allah tidak ingin menyukarkanmu, tetapi Dia hendak menyucikanmu dan menyempurnakan nikmat-Nya bagimu, agar kamu bersyukur.

(Ayat 6)

Wahai orang-orang yang beriman! Jadilah kamu sebagai penegak keadilan kerana Allah menjadi saksi yang adil. Dan janganlah kebencianmu terhadap sesuatu kaum mendorongmu untuk tidak berlaku adil.

Berlaku adillah.

Kerana adil itu lebih dekat kepada takwa. Dan bertakwalah kepada Allah, sesungguhnya, Allah Maha Teliti terhadap apa yang kamu lakukan

(Ayat 8)

Allah telah menjanjikan kepada orang yang beriman dan beramal soleh (bahawa) mereka akan mendapat keampunan dan pahala yang besar.

(Ayat 9)

Allahu Allah ❤

Allah. Sang Pencipta yang Maha Menyintaiku <3

Bismillahirrohmanirrohim

Kata-kata manis yang kau ucap untuk menggambarkan cinta,

bisikan-bisikan halus yang membelai angin seakan-akan membuatku merasai cinta,

tidak ku nafikan betapa rasa itu mampu menenggelamkan akal waras,

dan hati mula mempertaruhkan ruang demi ruang di dalamnya sehingga tiada yang tersisa melainkan yang tercinta.

Dan di laluan itu aku mengenal satu kesulitan,

antara kebenaran dan rasa cinta,

yang mana satu, pilihan hati.

Tanpa-Mu Ya Rabbi,

aku sudah merasa gelapnya cinta menelan insan,

dan dengan-Mu, Ya Ilahi,

aku sudah tahu betapa indahnya sinar cahaya kebenaran membuktikan kebenaran,

walau hanya secebis di dunia.

walau hanya secebis.

Allah Ya Wadud,

sudah jauh hamba melangkah, menguis satu persatu rasa cinta,

yang menenggelamkan cahaya cinta-Mu.

Berkali-kali Kau mengeluarkanku yang berlumpur dengan dosa,

tanpa jemu, tanpa sebrang kepayahan,

hanya keran kau cinta pada hamba-Mu,

yang hina, fakir, zalim dan sedikit benar rasa syukur dan takut pada-Mu,

pemilik langit dan bumi,

penentu hidup dan mati,

penghapus dosa dan amal,

Allahu Rabbana,

beregetar rasa di dada,

gusar.

entah jari-jari ini mampu menjadi hujah buatku atau ke atasku.

entah air mata yang gugur ini mampu meraih kasih-Mu buatku atau menambah murka-Mu,

entah apa yang ku rasakan ini, membawa aku ke syurga-Mu atau menghumbanku ke neraka-Mu,

entah apa yang aku ikuti ini menjadikanku umat Rasul-Mu atau teman syaitan laknatullah,

Allahu Ya Alim,

kau tahu segala yang ada,

tersembunyi dan zahir,

makan perhiaskanlah imanku dengan cinta-Mu,

tuntunlah aku menapak di jalan yang kau titip ujian sebagai tanda cinta,

kuatkan setiap langkah dan usahaku dalam meraih redha-Mu,

siapa aku tanpa-Mu, tanpa cinta-Mu.

Buta, pekak dan bisu.

Faghfirlana, Ya Ghafur,

hamba sering kali memohon syurga sedang miskin segala,

amal mahupun pahala,

hamba sering takutkan neraka,

namun terus berbuat dosa,

bersangka-sangka pada-Mu Yang Maha Cinta.

Alhamdulillah, Ya Mutakabbir,

satu pinta sepanjang hidupku,

sehingga saat ruhku kembali kepada-Mu,

anugerahkanlah padaku rasa cinta,

cinta dari sang hamba pada Sang Pencipta,

yang penuh dengan cinta.

Hasbunallah wani’mal wakeel, wani’mal maula wani’mannasir.

Cukuplah Allah, cukuplah cinta Allah dalam hidupku,

yang membakar semangatku,

yang menggugurkan air mataku,

yang membisukan kepahitan dari bibirku,

kerana aku tahu,

Allah masih cinta,

Allah masih sayang.

Padaku yang tak punya apa-apa.

Allahu Allah.